I’ve been thinking about my parents quite alot recently. The last few years, as I have ‘grown up’ and have had to deal with new situations and make independant decisons, it’s all made me see my parents in ways I had never really considered before.

You see, time moves on, you grow up and hopefully mature, and with this comes responsiblilty and a whole loada stress- life is no longer care free; its time to get serious now and parents take on another important role; that of an advisor.
Whereas before, they were your providers, protectors, perhaps friends (in rare cases) and most likely your worst enemies (often throughout your ‘teenage’ years), they are now your advisors and you find yourself asking them for help in making those, oh so important life decisions, ranging from what kind of car to buy, to your financial issues to the penultimate: who to marry (that’s if we care to consider our parents at all in the process).

I have increasingly needed my parents to play this role over the last few years- which they have been doing- but sometimes looking back I think, was I too arrogant to take heed of their advice, or to even consider for a moment that I might be wrong and they be right and know what they’re talking about…

Sometimes, you only ever appreciate and see the wisdom of things in retrospect; for example, looking back I can see why my mother tells me to keep the music down in the car (don’t ask what happened) or why I really should learn how to cook(toast and tea does not constitute a meal). My point is, we often won’t understand the reason behind what our parents tell us but it’s nearly always for our own benefit and future happiness.

One of the most obvious cases is when it comes to- yup, you’ve guessed it, marriage. Oh the dramas! I could say alot on this issue alone but I won’t, only that we often forget that our parents were us once; they were of our age, had the same zeal, ambitons and plans but did they forsee the problems and circumstances that they had to go through? Probably not, and so when it comes to looking for someone for their son/daughter, they are looking at and considering the future of their child; looking to see that their needs will be met; whether it be financial, emotional or spiritual. My dad said to me that I don’t know what my needs will be later on in life, and it’s true. I don’t know what kinds of situations I will find myself in and how to deal with them and who will be able to help me (of course no one but Allah knows what the future holds but this returns back to us making the effort and doing things to the best of our knowledge and ability). Things like this can only be known through experience; that’s why my dad also said to me “no amount of knowledge can beat experience”, and how I am beginning to see that already.

I guess it all really boils down to trust and tawakkul. Do we trust our parents? Do we trust that they will do the right thing by us, make the right choice on our behalf if need be, and do we put our absolute trust in and rely only on Allah?

Sometimes, I think we see our folks as just mean elders who make things difficult for us and never listen to us but we have to understand that they want the best for us and there is hikma in their words and decisions. I have found myslef in such situations where I have exhausted myself in trying to get my parents to see where I’m coming from, and they have reached the edge of their patience with me, trying to get me to understand where they are coming from and it just seems like we won’t agree (and sometimes there are genuine reasons for this- which I’ll save for another post) but in the end, there has to be give and take from both sides.

Having said all this, there are certain things that me and my parents differ on and that I find myself defending and these are issues that I need to deal with to try and make my parents understand, but at the end of the day, all praise be to Allah who blessed me with parents and relatively cool parents at that too : ).

May Allah forgive our parents, have Mercy on them as they had Mercy on us when we were young and may He grant them Jannah. Ameen

A related answer on our parents’ role in our life and obeying them.

God Bless and du’as please.


~ by usma on 25, December, 2006.

2 Responses to “Parents”

  1. interesting insight masha’Allah

  2. […] What a coincidence. I post some thoughts about parents and the kinds of issues that we/I find myslef having to work around and a couple of days later I find myself discussing those very things in a (lengthy) conversation with my dad. […]

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