The In-Crowd

There’s definately one here, I have felt it, seen it and experienced it and it’s not nice. I thought it was just me but it’s not, I’ve spoken to a couple of friends who also live here and they have felt the same and everything seems to point to one thing: the fact that we are not part of this particular group/crowd/community even though we live right smack bang in the middle of this community. By this I mean that although we live here and see the same people and know the same people in this little neighbourhood, because we don’t dress a particular way or adopt certain practices we are kinda left out of or just not considered when it comes to some samller events/gatherings that the rest of the neighbourhood is invited to. How wrong and how sad. I thought that part of being a God fearing Muslim was that you looked out for others and considered their feelings when doing or not doing something and that you wouldn’t do anything that would hurt their feelings. There is a hadith in which the Prophet (saw) said that if there are three people together, two of them should not talk in private infront of the third as it would upset him. Maybe these things only apply to those who are part of the same crowd as you.

Having a good character and being easy going should extend to everyone, you should go out your way to make sure no one person is left out and should do everything to make them feel welcomed and part of the community especially if they have just moved to another place. So you can imagine how one must feel when on a number of occasions the whole neighbourhood is invited to your neighbours for dinner and you haven’t and are not even aware of this. You can also imagine how it must feel to be giving out of your kindness and behaving the way a Muslim neighbour should behave like visitng them when they are sick and sharing your food, and then not have it reciprocated back to you. It makes everything and everyone seem so superficial.

Being part of a group naturally brings about the feeling of belonging and exclusivity but I thought that the teachings of this particular group was above that; there is not meant to be any exclusivity or an in-crowd, this way is open to all and everyone is welcomed. I have heard the teacher say on a number of times that one should never think oneself better that another. Maybe outsiders are left out because the insiders don’t want to associate with those who are not like them and on the same way perhaps because they think that they won’t bring any good to them. But how can you judge like that?

I didnt come here with any preconceptions, only that this would be a place full of generally good people where I would grow spiritually but I say all this based on what I have seen and expereinced and it has been  upsetting and disheartening. Some people reading this would probably think that I must be talking about another neighbourhood based on thier experiences here, but like I said if you do the things that peole do here and dress the way and talk the way the people do here then you’ll fit in and of course you won’t understand what I’m saying. But I’m not going to conform and start dressing a particular way or join a paricular group just so that I can fit in. Intentions would be messed up and it’s just sad and wrong that an individual has to feel this pressure to conform.



~ by usma on 1, December, 2008.

4 Responses to “The In-Crowd”

  1. salams!

    well, maybe you need to sit back and not take things so personally and have a good opinion of everyone around you. People who are part of that particular community are there for a specific reason. It makes sense that they will hang out with people of their own ilk. Thats life, and thats the way it goes. They are going in a particular direction and you might not be. Its hardly a social club!

  2. hey salaams! hope all is going well inshallah
    well, as having been there and experienced it all first hand alhamdulilah, i have to agree with you that there is definately an in crowd. But i must wholly disagree with the point that it is based on viewpoints and manners of dressing. The difference is between the people who stay there long term and folks who may be there short term. You have to understand that when you are living in a place as your permanant home, for so many years, you have experience of these things. I guess many people have had experience of befreinding other sisters, only to see their hearts break when they move away. Everyone is human and they seek friendships which last. And living in that community of wayfarers is tough. So sometimes people out there prefer to get on living with those who they have known for so long and know wont be leaving after they finish their semester or after 4 months.
    GIve them an excuse from time to time. Im sure they dont mean it. Someone i know there also said quite plainly that after their friends started continually leaving, they stopped befriending the students as much. But they still care!
    But what i also found, is that while the students are open to everyone, they soon form their own clique aswell, which is just as closed off as the other group.
    So inshallah just pray that Allah puts you in the best of company and Verily Allah knows what is best for each of us!!

  3. Salam,

    I found this from Sidra Mushtaq’s blog and I knew what you were talking about. It is about your clothes very much. I was there too. I think I wasn’t there when you were there, but definitely long before and after undercover was there – when the rules about clothes got stricter than they have ever been before. There is definitely an in crowd and always has been. Things got a lot worse at the time when you were there. It wasn’t the home that we thought it could be, and we were part of it. But also we started hearing that you need to stay away from those who don’t join, that they’re not as serious as you are, that they might contaminate us with television or music or unorthodox teachings. If that’s what we have to avoid to become better Muslims then most of us have to stay away from our own families! I don’t know what it became but it became something odd and very insular and that is why we left. Sad, disappointed.

  4. Salaam, I really need to get in touch with Nomadic Soul. This is referring to a different entry but it is very urgent. Please get me in touch.

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